How to Deal with Loneliness in your 20s

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Have you realized that you are spending your Friday nights and weekends alone lately? That you have an off day and you have no one to call? But your 20s are supposed to be fun, filled with parties and away from family, right? or at least that's what society says. 

Life in yours 20s can be lonely and its completely normal and more common that you think. Ask around and you'll find people saying saying they feel the same way. This is the phase that you get to discover yourself and make decisions for yourself. The past two decades of your life, you had people around you doing the same things as you. You start off in kindergarten up to college and all of you are following schedules and instructions given to you. You reach your twenties, everyone goes on a different life path and suddenly you have no one. This can be worse if you moved out right after graduation and got a new job or started a new life in a different city.

Instead of dwelling on how lonely you are, how life sucks and wishing things were different. Look at this a great opportunity to discover who you are and what you want out of life. Keeping reading for some ideas on how you can do this. 

 Change your mindset

Loneliness is defined as sadness because you have no company, and sadness is a feeling. Realize that you are fully in control of your feelings and you can change this state of being by changing how you feel. Don't think of it as loneliness but as solitude instead and with solitude comes freedom. You are now free to explore and create a wonderful life for yourself. Think about it, you feel sad because you have no company but that's not true. You have you, you are your own company and you can be your own bestfriend. 

Another thing that is also important is to look inward and access whether you are truly alone because you have no one or feel alone while surrounded by people. If you feel alone while you have people around you then consider changing your environment, go to places that make you feel seen or heard. 

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Spend More Quality Time with the People You Have

There is this narrative that if you don't have a big social group then you have no friends and that is so wrong. Know that just because your circle got smaller doesn't mean you are alone, look for ways you you can be around the people you love more. Maybe it's that one best friend you've had since childhood, facetime them and spend hours talking about nothing. Maybe it's that one cousin who you always have a blast with at family functions, invite them for a sleep over. Maybe it's your grandparents, visit them and put your phone away and truly be present with them. Plan activities and really engage with people, how will you feel connected to someone if you are scrolling on your phone while being with them?  If you focus on building quality relationships instead of quantity, you'll be more fulfilled with the people in your life.  

Try New things

There is no better way to adapt to the changing currents of your life than by doing this. Try new things that you've always thought about doing, or things that you've never even heard of before but sound interesting. Set new goals that are challenging and go after them with full intention. Explore new hobbies that make you feel centered and calm. This gives you something to work towards at, something to obsess over. At a point in my life where I felt so alone, I started this blog so that I have something to obsess over and it worked. I started looking forward to my free time because it meant I get to write and be creative.

This will also give you a chance to make new friends, just because you lost your old friends doesn't mean you are doomed to never find others.  Make friends at the places that you now frequent, go to a different gym and strike up a conversation with that girl, join a book club or a pottery class. Go out and meet new people. 

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Take Care of Yourself

This might seem like a no brainer but it's something you need to be reminded of. What are you doing when you are alone? are you endless scrolling on social media? are you imagining what it would be like to be at a party? are you looking at photos from school when you were with your friends? It's no wonder you feel lonely.

Find joy in being alone by taking care of yourself. Spend an evening pampering yourself, put on a sheet mask, light a candle and read your favorite book. Reconnect with your inner child by doing things that you used to love but stopped doing them. Spend your mornings sipping mocha while you journal, go on a solo date and people watch. Be present with yourself, take care of yourself and I promise you, your time will be worthwhile. 

Take a break from social media

This has been a huge one for me, my life got so much better when I took a break from social media. Isn't it ironic how the thing that is supposed to make us more connected actually disconnect us? At least that's how I feel. I felt super lonely whenever I was on social media, I felt like I was connected to everyone yet I had no one. 

Try taking a break from social media and see how you feel after a day or two. If that's too much for you then reduce your usage by an hour, then 2 hours and so forth until you can spend an entire day off it. Don't go down the comparison spiral that happens when you go on Instagram, remember that that is not the full picture, it's just a highlight. 

Conclusion

Life in your 20s comes with a lot of challenges that you have to navigate by yourself and loneliness is one of them. Be kind to yourself and when you feel overwhelmed and want to cry, go ahead and do it. Remember that it is just a phase that will pass and that if you keep working on yourself, you will find your people. 

Until next time

xo xo.